I Hate Working Out

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“Wow, you look pretty fit.”

“Nah, thanks though. I’m working on it. Funny enough, I do run a gym.”

“Really?”

“Yeah. I make some at-home workouts for a really cool nutrition site, too.”

“Wow. You must really love working out!”

“No no no. I hate it.”

“Huh?”

Yeah.

I hate working out.

There it is. I said it. I know I run a gym, and put together these awesome workouts for PaleoFit (have you signed up yet?;). But I’m telling you. I hate working out. When I’m standing there with the clock ticking down to start, and I’ve got 100 burpees staring me in the face, all I can think is, “I hate this.”

But, you know what happens then?

I start the clock. Hands down. Feet back. Push-up. Feet forward. Jump. Clap.

“1”

I hate every stinking burpee that I do. Well, maybe not ALL of them. I mean the first 6 or 7 aren’t bad, but I rarely make it past that without thinking, “What the hell am I doing?”

You know what I do?

Hands down. Feet back. Push-up. Feet forward. Jump. Clap.

“27”

It continues on this way through the whole workout, with the only sliver of joy being the fact that it will be over at some point, and that point is getting closer as the clock ticks on.

“54”

Now, I do know a few people who actually LIKE working out. They are crazy people. They are the people you want to choke because, “Oh I just went for a quick 6 miles this morning,” or “I’ll be there after my hip-hop-spinning-zumba-yoga class, it’s only 2 hours!” I hate those people. Well, not to their face, but you get what I mean.

“72”

And I’m not the only one. Stephanie Psick (you remember her), one of the fittest people in the gym, is usually the loudest voice in the bitch-fest in the moments before a workout.

“I don’t wanna do this!”
“This is gonna suck!”
“AAGGGHHH!”
“Do I HAVE to do this?! Come ON!””

Those are just a few of the choice phrases that are mumbled, spoken, and screamed in the moments before a coach yells over the cacophony, “3-2-1-GO!”

The funny thing is. Everyone starts. They pick up the bar, start the pull-ups, or start running the lap. Whatever the workout calls for that day. And everyone finishes. They get through it. Some even yell and scream in the middle of the workout. Words of hate and vice directed at the coaches or the barbell. It’s all good. You can yell at me all you want, call me names, it’s all good. As long as once the workout’s over, and you’re done writhing on the floor making a sweat angel, we can give each other a high five and say, “Well done.”

“99”

You know why it’s all good? ‘Cause I hate it too.

“100”

Done.

This confessional was written by Max Shippee, our PaleoFit coach.